day 3:i smell like a girl. girls are the best cologne. they smell like roses and parrots and new born puppies. it's delicious. if you smell bad, sleep with a girl. you'll thank yourself afterward. you'll smell good, carnal urges will be satisfied, and you can walk around with a dumb grin on your face for the rest of the day. IT'S WORTH IT. i don't need a shower dummy, it's day 3.
this next one goes out to all the people who have ever been in a bathroom at the same time as me.
lets build a theoretical situation:
i shower, dry up, lotion up (i'm a fairy, i know), and throw my clothes on
i then brush my teeth, fill up my pockets, leave my house, and make my way to (insert bar here)
i smoke a smoke, drink a drink, shake a hand, and make my way to the men's room.
i have to pee, and now is where i get confused.
is my dick cleaner than my hands? i touched doorknobs and money and lighters and walls. do i wash my dick after? do i pee with no hands?
i've come to a controversial conclusion.i use my hands to pee, but when i get to the faucet and sink i wash my dick. yeah, look at me funny. i don't care. you're clearly too drunk to know that your dick is way cleaner than your hands. you'll see me on the dance floor with your friends, and there will be whispers of how clean my dick is. especially compared to yours.
top: courtesy of drew 'crazy' woods
right: courtesy of steph 'motherfucking' law
a note to anyone taking this seriously, umm...uhh, i um. yeah. good talk.
Am I correct to assume that you still work in the food service industry? Should I take it upon myself to inform your supervisors of your personal cleanliness habits?
ReplyDeleteclearly i'm joking, shake a hand!
ReplyDeletehave we shared a bathroom?
No, but we'll have plenty of chances for that soon enough.
ReplyDelete(I was joking too. Duh.)
i figured. this internet thing is hard for me sometimes. we shall meet in the field!
ReplyDelete